Arty Cam
by Pirates For Life
Summary: What happens when Foaly decides to make an underground reality TV show about Artemis? Read and find out! Takes place after Lost Colony. My first fanfic.
1. Chapter 1

**Arty Cam**

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Authors Note: This is about what happens when Foaly decides to make a reality TV show about Artemis. This is my first fanfiction, and constructive critism is appreciated. Also the numbers after some sentences mean there's a footnote at the bottom of the page.

**This Story takes place after Artemis Fowl the Lost Colony**

Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl, if I did I'd be living in Ireland busy being famous and writing bestselling books, not fanfiction.

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**CHAPTER 1**

**In which Foaly has an idea and Artemis eats mud. **

Foaly was bored. Which was unusual for him after all the adventures and challenges he had since Artemis came into the picture. Things had finally quieted down a couple of months later at Section 8 after the whole demon crisis. After many attempted escapes, fights, disturbances of the peace, and one incident involving a couple of swear toads, some traffic cones, a bottle of shaving cream, and a spotlight(1) , the demons had finally settled down into a new area underground(2) that was made for them during the time that Holly and Artemis were on the demon's island Hybras. Although it seemed to them that they were on the island for only a matter of hours, three years had passed on Earth.

Foaly ate a carrot. He ate another carrot in a vain attempt to pass the time. Sighing, he thought about calling Caballine, but they had gotten into a fight yesterday, and he wasn't looking forward to talking to her yet. Finally, he decided to watch a bit of TV. The gas screens in his office had amazing quality and surround sound (plus the walls in his office were sound proof, so no one would know he was slacking off). He flipped through the channels one by one. Nothing. Unless your idea of entertainment was watching Cooking With Stinkworms or Answer Stupid Questions For Money! . Apparently, daytime TV is the same above and below ground, and Foaly's favorite soap opera had been cancelled last week.

Foaly decided to see what Fowl was up to. He opened up the screen that had direct feed from the satellites trained on Artemis. What he saw made his jaw drop open in amazement, but mostly from amusement. There, sitting on a hilltop in the moonlight was Artemis and a mud girl who appeared to be Minerva (she had definitely grown up a bit in the last three years). This though, was not the best part. The hilarious thing was that Artemis was trying to kiss Minerva, but had ended up missing and falling on his face in the dirt. Artemis was beet red as he slowly got up next to an equally red Minerva who looked like she was trying to hold back laughter. Foaly however, was already laughing his horsy behind off.

Then he had an amazingly simple, but pure genius idea. This is almost as good as when I came up with the idea for the bounce bags in the Section 8 helmets, Foaly thought. Almost. If the Mud Men could have reality TV shows, then why couldn't the People have them too? It was brilliant, he would have a reality TV show all about Fowl. He already had the cameras and technology, and he certainly had the time. Not to mention the budget. With a smile that wasn't unlike Artemis's own vampire one he reached for the phone. There were a lot of calls to be made…

(1) Don't ask

(2) Far away from Haven

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**Well, how do you like it? Tell me by Reviewing! Remember, each time you don't review, Artemis gets poked! The next chapter will be longer too. **

**Ciao,**

**Pirates for Life**


	2. Chapter 2

**Arty Cam**

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Authors Note: I am very, very, very, very, sorry for not updating sooner. I was going to have more in this chapter, but I decided to make it shorter and get the next chapter as soon as possible. The next chapter will be a flashback, were we find out exactly what happened to Artemis after the time tunnel.

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! You guys are great, and I'm sorry I kept you waiting. I also want to thank my beta reader CriminalMastermind.

**Disclaimer: **

**Artemis: ( sore from being poked so much) Pirates for Life, a.ka., Alannah, does not own any of the characters, places, or ideas found in Artemis Fowl, just this incredibly pathetic excuse for a fanfic.**

**Authoress: You're just grumpy cause you got poked with a stick! **

**Artemis: (rolls eyes)**

**Authoress: Anyway, onwards with the fanfic! starts poking Artemis again with stick This really is a great stress reliever! **

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**Chapter 2**

**In which there are show pitches, new inventions, and lame puns **

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**Haven, Underground: present time;**

Foaly had just finished explaining the idea of what (at least, in his mind) was going to be the next big TV show to Holly and Mulch. Mulch was laughing at the clips Foaly was showing, but was quickly silenced by a fiery glare from Holly.

"Look Foaly," she said speaking slowly the way you might to foreigners or small children," Artemis is our friend. Being friends with someone is not the same as embarrassing them all over public TV (1)!" Holly now began to speak faster and with more anger, "You're not even supposed to be watching him with satellites, and here you are trying to make a show about him! Did you even talk to Artemis about this?" She was now an angry red reminiscent of the late Commander Root.

Foaly, for his part had subconsciously backed away from Holly. You did not want to mess with Holly when she was angry, or really any other time for that matter. He knew she would probably not like the idea, but he hadn't suspected she would be this enraged.

"Holly, he won't know. This might even make the general public like him more anyway."

"You know he can and _has_ been hacking into your system. Its only a matter of time before he finds out. He even knew about Section 8."

"Yes, but this is going to be filmed with a camera, not a satellite. Actually, an amazing piece of new technology invented by me with various and numerous useful functions, but still essentially a video camera. So it won't be on my main computers. Plus, I've been updating my security."

Holly sighed, but didn't say anything more. There was no stopping him when Foaly began to explain about technology he invented or how smart or unappreciated he was. Foaly walked over to his desk, and after rummaging around a bit, took something small off it.

"This," he said, while holding up in the palm of his hand, what appeared to be a small spider. "is, basically, a camera. Although, that's practically an insult comparing _this _to a camera. It has all the features of the iris cam plus it's equipped with night vision. The sound quality is amazing as well. It can register frequencies that are either too high or too low for both fairy and human ears. This thing could pick up a fly's sneeze from 50 miles away." Foaly finished with the smug grin he wore when showing off his inventions. "And that's not the best part." He continued. "It can become invisible. Evanesco. (2)" The tiny device in Foaly's palm disappeared. Both Holly and Mulch had impressed looks on their faces. "Of course, I can also make it disappear using controls."

"How did you make it disappear?" Mulch asked.

"I was improving the cham foil technology while Holly and Artemis were away. After all the times it got short circuited, I wanted to try and make a better version, and then one late night…"

Foaly was about to continue, but Holly managed to stop him.(3) She wasn't in the mood for another one of Foaly's two hour talks about Foaly's genius and insightfulness at the inventions he built. It didn't matter that he was mostly right, it was still annoying.

"What's it called?" Mulch asked, trying to change the subject.

"I call it the spy-der." Foaly said with a grin. "Get it?"

Mulch and Holly stared at him with blank, unamused faces.

"You know it looks like a tiny _spider_, and it's used for _spying_?"

"That is probably the lamest name you've thought up for an invention. Ever." Mulch said with a grin.

"Just because I'm a genius doesn't mean I have to be good at naming things also." Foaly replied, looking slightly hurt. "Well, do you have any suggestions o wise and creative dwarf?"

"Well, actually…"

But Mulch was interrupted because at that moment one of Foaly's alarms started to go off.

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(1) This is mostly true for everyone except for celebrities, who not only make it a point to embarrass their friends, but also themselves, random strangers, family members, and their pets. It is speculated that there is a school somewhere in Beverly Hills that teaches them exactly how do to this.

(2)For those of you who don't have the gift of tongues that's roughly disappear in Latin.

(3)A rare occurrence.

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**A cliffhanger! Wow, I am evil! First I take forever to update then I write a waayy too short chapter, and then I leave you with a cliffhanger. :) Once again, I apologize for not only the short chapter but also for the lack of updating. I've been swamped with school work. My teachers seem to hate me.**

**And after getting a few requests…**

**Review now and you get to poke Artemis and/or Minerva with a stick!**

**Yes its hours of entertainment for you and all your Artemis/Minerva hating friends! Just press the little purple button…**

**Ciao,**

**Pirates for Life **


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